Dating today can feel like you need a dictionary just to understand what’s going on. You’re swiping, you’re matching, you’re having great conversations, and then… radio silence. Or maybe it’s not silence, but a confusing stream of random "u up?" texts and late-night story likes. What does it all mean?

If you’ve ever been left on read by someone you thought you had a real connection with, or kept on the hook by someone who only gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, you’re not alone. Welcome to the wild world of modern dating, where behaviors like ghosting and breadcrumbing have become all too common.

It’s confusing, it’s frustrating, and honestly, it can seriously mess with your head. So, let’s get into it. What are these toxic dating trends, why do people do them, and how can you protect your peace when you find yourself on the receiving end?

The Modern Dating Dictionary: What Does It All Mean?

First, let’s define our terms. These aren't just buzzwords; they’re descriptions of real behaviors that have a real emotional impact.

Ghosting: The Disappearing Act

This is the OG of bad dating behavior. Ghosting is when someone you’ve been talking to or dating completely cuts off all communication without any explanation. They disappear. Poof. Gone. No "it's not you, it's me" text. No "I'm busy" excuse. Just silence. It can happen after one date or after months of seeing each other, which is what makes it so jarring.

Breadcrumbing: The Trail of "Just Enough"

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention—or "breadcrumbs"—to keep you interested, but with no intention of ever actually committing. They’ll pop up with a random text, like an old photo on your Instagram, or send a fire emoji on your story, just when you’re about to move on. It’s a way for them to keep you as an option without putting in any real effort.

Orbiting: The Ghost Who Still Watches You

This is one of the weirdest and most frustrating trends. Orbiting is when someone ghosts you but continues to watch all of your social media stories. They’ve cut you out of their life, but they’re still lurking in your digital space, orbiting your world from a safe distance. It’s confusing because it sends a mixed signal: "I don't want to talk to you, but I still want to know what you're up to."

Benching: Keeping You on the Sidelines

Benching is when someone likes you enough to keep you on their "roster" but not enough to actually start the game with you. They’re not ready to commit, but they’re not ready to let you go either, just in case their first-string options don't work out. They’ll text you sporadically to keep you interested, but they’ll never make solid plans. You’re their backup plan.

Why Do People Do This? (It’s Not About You)

When you get ghosted or breadcrumbed, your first instinct is probably to ask, "What did I do wrong?" But here’s the truth: these behaviors are almost always a reflection of the other person's issues, not a statement about your worth.

1. They're Avoiding Conflict

This is the biggest reason for ghosting. The person is too scared to have an uncomfortable conversation. They don't know how to say, "I'm not feeling a connection," so they choose the "easier" path of disappearing. It's not easier for you, of course, but it allows them to avoid a few minutes of awkwardness. It’s a sign of emotional immaturity.

2. They Want an Ego Boost

Breadcrumbing and benching are often driven by insecurity. The person gets a validation hit every time you reply to their text or get excited about their random "hey." They’re not interested in you as a person; they’re interested in the ego boost you provide. Keeping you on the hook makes them feel desired and powerful.

3. The Paradox of Choice

Dating apps have given us access to an endless buffet of potential partners. This can lead to a "paradox of choice," where people are so overwhelmed by options that they can't commit to just one. They keep their options open, benching and breadcrumbing multiple people because they’re afraid of missing out on someone "better."

4. They're Just Not That Into You (But Don't Know How to Say It)

Sometimes, the connection just isn't there for them. But instead of being an adult and communicating that clearly and kindly, they resort to these passive, hurtful behaviors. It's a cowardly way to end things, but it’s often what’s happening behind the scenes.

The Emotional Toll: Why It Hurts So Much

If you’ve been on the receiving end of these behaviors, you know that the impact is more than just a little frustration. It can genuinely hurt your self-esteem and mental health.

  • It Leaves You Without Closure: Ghosting, in particular, is painful because it leaves you with a million unanswered questions. Your brain hates unfinished stories, so you’ll find yourself replaying every interaction, trying to figure out what went wrong. This lack of closure can make it incredibly difficult to move on.
  • It Makes You Question Yourself: When someone breadcrumbs you, it’s easy to start thinking, "If I were just a little more interesting/attractive/fun, they would commit." You start to internalize the idea that you are not enough, which is a dangerous and untrue narrative.
  • It Creates Anxiety and Insecurity: These hot-and-cold behaviors can create a ton of anxiety. You’re constantly checking your phone, overanalyzing every interaction, and living in a state of uncertainty. It erodes your trust in others and in your own judgment.

How to Protect Your Peace: A Survival Guide

You can’t control how other people behave, but you can control how you react and protect your own emotional well-being. It’s time to take your power back.

1. Recognize the Behavior for What It Is

The first step is to stop making excuses for them. "Maybe they're just busy." "Maybe their phone died." No. If someone is consistently inconsistent, see it for what it is: a red flag. If their actions are confusing, the message is actually clear: they are not serious about you.

2. Set Your Own Boundaries

You don’t have to play their game. If someone is breadcrumbing you, you have every right to call it out or walk away. You can set a boundary by saying something like:

  • "Hey, I’ve noticed our communication has been pretty inconsistent. I’m looking for someone who is ready to build a real connection, and this dynamic isn’t working for me."

Or, you can just decide to stop responding. You don’t owe an explanation to someone who hasn’t given you the courtesy of consistency.

3. The Power of the Mute/Block Button

If someone is orbiting you after ghosting, take away their access. You are not a TV show for their entertainment. Mute them. Restrict them. Block them. Protect your energy and your digital space. Seeing their name pop up on your story views is just reopening the wound. Close that door for good.

4. Focus on Actions, Not Words (or Emojis)

Words are cheap, and so are fire emojis. Don’t get carried away by someone’s sweet texts if their actions don’t back it up. A person who is genuinely interested in you will make an effort to see you. They will make firm plans. They will be consistent. If their actions don’t align with their words, trust the actions.

5. Don't Blame Yourself

This is the most important rule. Remind yourself, over and over again, that their bad behavior is not a reflection of your worth. You are not "too much" or "not enough." You just encountered someone who is emotionally immature or unavailable. Their inability to communicate is their problem, not yours.